name calling
Eco- if you're reading this hope you're not in Karachi!! Hope you and your family are ok?
i get a little confuseda lot of the time when i cant distinguish between cultural crap and what is actually Islamic. So for this reason, may Allah (swt) forgive me for what i am about to say ....or not if i am correct!
What the hell are you supposed to call your husbndwhen you marry? Traditionally women have NEVER called their husbands by their name (dunno if thats just a Bengali thing) and for some reason (because Sylhetis have not evolved!) it is still looked down upon when a wife calls her husband by his name.
Poor cousin of mine, who recently got married, has been getting a right telling-off for calling her husband by his name. What can she do? She's so used to it already cos they were 'friends' before they got married!! What?!!>..she's supposed to all of a sudden call him by something not-his-name?!!
My sister doesn't call her husband by his name...but i just blame it on the fact that she's a Sylheti in a Pakis clothing!! She quoted from the great "Beheshti-Zevar". For those of you who dont know what it is, is a kind of 'marriage/life' book for women with a very Asian subcontinet bias!! I read it just before i was practicing and put it to one side after reading the first few pages...not a direct quote but something along the lines of women should stay in the kitchen type. After that point i have never opened it again. Now Mufti Taqi Usmani has a commentary at the beginning making it authentic in many ppl's eyes...including my own. But still i do feel that its very 'traditional'...which may not be so bad sometimes. I guess its not bad when you've been brought up in that way...which many of us haven't...not even my sister!!
why is it so bad to call him by what he is called? Its fine to call your spouse by loving names...but does it not get a little embarassing when you do in front of elders who call their husband "hell-low"(in Bengali accent) and "air-re" (translated to Oi)... think i'll face the consequences when i do it!
Is it a respect thing? Islamically you're supposed to have more respect for your husband then your father,and you woldn't call himby his name. I dont get it!! I think it'd be more disrespectful if my husband called me by names other then my own, personally!
i get a little confuseda lot of the time when i cant distinguish between cultural crap and what is actually Islamic. So for this reason, may Allah (swt) forgive me for what i am about to say ....or not if i am correct!
What the hell are you supposed to call your husbndwhen you marry? Traditionally women have NEVER called their husbands by their name (dunno if thats just a Bengali thing) and for some reason (because Sylhetis have not evolved!) it is still looked down upon when a wife calls her husband by his name.
Poor cousin of mine, who recently got married, has been getting a right telling-off for calling her husband by his name. What can she do? She's so used to it already cos they were 'friends' before they got married!! What?!!>..she's supposed to all of a sudden call him by something not-his-name?!!
My sister doesn't call her husband by his name...but i just blame it on the fact that she's a Sylheti in a Pakis clothing!! She quoted from the great "Beheshti-Zevar". For those of you who dont know what it is, is a kind of 'marriage/life' book for women with a very Asian subcontinet bias!! I read it just before i was practicing and put it to one side after reading the first few pages...not a direct quote but something along the lines of women should stay in the kitchen type. After that point i have never opened it again. Now Mufti Taqi Usmani has a commentary at the beginning making it authentic in many ppl's eyes...including my own. But still i do feel that its very 'traditional'...which may not be so bad sometimes. I guess its not bad when you've been brought up in that way...which many of us haven't...not even my sister!!
why is it so bad to call him by what he is called? Its fine to call your spouse by loving names...but does it not get a little embarassing when you do in front of elders who call their husband "hell-low"(in Bengali accent) and "air-re" (translated to Oi)... think i'll face the consequences when i do it!
Is it a respect thing? Islamically you're supposed to have more respect for your husband then your father,and you woldn't call himby his name. I dont get it!! I think it'd be more disrespectful if my husband called me by names other then my own, personally!
posted by PrincessMeMe @ 12:50 pm
6 Comments:
At 6:46 pm,
Not Zahra. said…
Asssalamu alaykum
Yay, well done! I think you should accept the place, then they'll have no choice ;) insha Allah.
Also, I've never read anything about not calling your husband by his name :raiseseyebrow:
It's a bengali thing. :shrug:
Ask your mufti.
I don't know what to do with myself at home either. Sister is annoying the frig outa me and kids are too loud. Need my own house!!!
At 10:51 pm,
PrincessMeMe said…
think i remember the Mufti saying something about calling them really sweet/caring/affection names so as to encourage the love between you both...bu can you imagine calling your husband 'honey' in front of your mother-in-law or any other relative?!!
Don'twanna except and then give parents NO choice...trying to find the easiest/safest/least hurtful way of doing it inshaAllah
At 11:34 am,
Tamanna said…
Call him by his name - we're living in a different culture now. Calling your husband 'oh father of my first born' is more archaic and shakespearean than we need to think like.
Unfortunately traditions of speaking cannot return to what they used to be. In this society, call your husband by sweet names, but also use their real name. The Prophet did (SAW) for Aisha.
She of course called him 'Rasul' because it was a slightly different case for him!
At 12:27 pm,
hema said…
as far as i'm aware, there is no Islamic basis for this.
And Allah knows best
At 11:41 pm,
Not Zahra. said…
asslamau alaykum
Sometimes...you have to be firm with them. And sometimes, they shoulnd't be given a choice!!!
I hate pathetic, unislamic cultural practices.
At 11:57 pm,
Anonymous said…
Yeh Y's mum calls his dad 'humbro' which means 'Hey Listen!"'. And my dad used to call my mum 'Faree ki ammi' (Mother of Faree). Its cute in a way. But obvs its just up to people and theres no reason to make your poor cousin feel bad about it. I have no idea what people will be saying about me. I find it really hard to call Y 'Aap' or 'Unke' rather than 'tum' or 'uske'- just feels really fake. Alas "whatever"
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